Entry 71 by Oduroye Mosope

It really seems like there is nothing I can do. So many things ran through my mind. Could I be sick? Probably cause of what I’ve been eating but it really isn’t possible because I’ve been eating this same thing for some years now and it hasn’t affected me in any way so why now? Could I be pregnant? Well, I could be because Rosco and I never used a rubber when we do that thing together.

Am vomiting, I can’t eat, things started to irritate me most especially my house. This caused me to spit. People started noticing this and even tormented me more screaming ‘’pregnant mad woman’’. It seemed Rosco too had noticed because he hadn’t come to me since. I have no money. The only money I live on is that hundred naira Rosco squeezes into my hand after he feels he had raped me.

The problem growing inside me is nothing but a child. Since they all think am mad, then I would use my madness to collect money from strangers. As they passed I would shout give me money. It works because some of them would give me while most of them would run .

I thought about what to do. I can’t threaten Rosco to accept me. He has nothing to offer me. I doubt if he even has a house! Such bastard he is. Going back to my uncle’s house was one of my options but I couldn’t even dear it.  Oh! I didn’t even tell u how I got here. I used to live an average life then because my uncle wasn’t poor but I was still very comfortable. My parents had died; he was the only relative I had left. His wife didn’t like me but she didn’t have a choice. She has two kids for him. I used to molest the son because they used to cage me after they sent the love of my life away ‘’tunde’’ he was my very first. The day he caught me with his son and tried to beat me to death in defense I hit the stool on this head that was what killed him. I still live with that guilt.  I ran away from home that very day. Everyone in the neighborhood called referred to me as a mad woman. I ran far away from that place.

The only person I talk to now is that woman who ran mad the other day. She’s the only friend I have now although but she really is mad. She laughs at everything I say like it’s funny. The only reasonable thing she has ever said to me is ‘’tell Jesus’’ but she still laughed after. I spoke to Jesus and told him to help me.

I delivered safely but not the type anybody would ever wish for. Although people helped me. I thought to myself probably am really mad. I would go to the church nearby to seek for help.

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