Entry 61 by Cynthia Coco

This thing growing inside me, I’m sure is not normal. I can’t even explain the things it does to me from where it is inside. All I know is that I am weak, and I am not myself. I wonder why I was happy when I was even happy when I did not urinate blood during the time I was waiting for it. At first, I thought I had really become the mad person all these people that pass think I am, but now I know it had something to do with this sickness inside me.

Now when I sit in my house and watch the people passing, I know why they cover their noses. I think maybe someone has come to hide another corpse around our house again, but when I asked Rosco, he and his gang just laughed and called me mad. I would have asked him again that night, but it’s not easy for me to talk when I’m trying to enjoy his thing.

One plate of the indomie is not enough for me anymore. I just want to eat and eat. The other day, I even told the foolish aboki to add more pepper inside for me. That day, the food finally managed to become sweeter than Rosco’s thing. I ate three plates. When I eat, I sleep. The people passing the front of my house no longer concern me. All I want to do is eat and sleep.

One night, as I sat with the old men smoking hemp, I was worried because the smell was strong in my nose, and I couldn’t smoke with them. It was not long before I left them and went to vomit at the back of one danfo. The men were just watching and whispering.

Another night, Rosco called me again and I was happy. He was touching me as usual when he asked me what I’ve been eating. “O tin tobi si!” he says. I didn’t answer him, because he still cannot know that I know what he is doing. He continued touching me and then something happened. I don’t know what but he stopped and told me to go. He gave me fifty naira, and I left.

Even though I see a lot of things from my house, it is not plenty that I understand. A small girl was walking in front of my house this morning. I’m sure she’s not older than me, and she was crying. She stopped beside my house to vomit and was holding her stomach. Me, I just sat there watching her.

Now I’m holding my stomach too, lying on the floor as I start to urinate blood again. Rosco tells his gang to go, so they drop their sticks and go back to continue smoking. I don’t know why Rosco is still standing here looking at me. I can’t even hear what he’s saying. I’m tired and I just want to sleep. So, I close my eyes.

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