For the past two days I’ve been feeling this way. It was due to this dizziness that I had missed the rush for that mad woman’s drink this morning when she left her bowl and ran down the road. I had spun and fell when I wanted to run there, and out of fury, I’ve not tried again. Now, I should have had at least two bottles of free drink beside me. Foolish me!

I want to lie down to rest, but I’m afraid to do so due to what happened two days ago and yesterday when I felt this same way. I’ve just had my breakfast of noodles and egg from that Aboki man down the road, and decided to lie down since I was feeling heavy, when all of a sudden a strong stench had hit me. Since I began to live here, I’ve never perceived such bad smell, not even when I had a bad stomach and defecated severally inside my house. So I don’t know where that one had come from. Before I could get up to move away from there, a grunt rose from the pit of my belly that sent my breakfast rushing out through my mouth and nose. I spent the rest of the two days shivering on the floor on an empty stomach.

When Rosco came here those two nights and saw me shivering on the floor, he just walked away. Fool! Anyway, I don’t want that to happen again today because it’s been four days since he last touched me, the longest break I’ve had in a long while now, and I crave for his touch badly. I pray this nagging headache I’m feeling subsides before evening.

It is night now, and still I can barely get up from the floor. Despite the clothes on the floor, I can feel its freezing coldness. My teeth are clattering. My head is pounding. I’m fuming inside with rage because I can’t imagine myself disappointing Rosco again today. How could I? Even, why should I? If I do, I’ll kill myself. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll make sure I don’t wake up tomorrow morning. I’ll find a broken bottle and drive it into my belly, or a knife, the way I see some of those garage boys do when they fight.  Or I’ll go and stand in the middle of the road. Of course several times I’ve seen speeding cars knock people down dead. I don’t see the need of life when the love one feels inside it is gone.

Now, I can hear footsteps outside, and I suspect it’s Rosca’s. I wait to see what will happen again this evening…if he’ll call me to his danfo and give me a good pounding, or just walk away again the way he had done these past two days. Tonight’s incidence will determine if there’s actually need for me to go on with life or not.